Because I look around myself and see others pretending to be happy when they're really not, and I know I can't be like that. My heart would hurt so much. I wish they wouldn't have to bear with the pain of pretending to be happy either, I really wish they wouldn't.

I'll search for true happiness till the day I die (too bad if I don't live long enough to find it) than to live thinking I've found it, but in fact haven't. What's so bad about that, you ask? As long as we're happy, does anything else matter? Does it matter whether it's genuine happiness or not? The answer is, I don't know. All I know is that I won't want to live a lie. Even if it's a great one.

My mood isn't down yet, this isn't even close to excessive thinking. But not knowing why you're happy isn't a nice feeling. It won't last.